Fate
by yue-chan
Summary: They meet. They fall in love. They die. It was always like that, every since the first time. But this life was his last try. Maybe it was time to let Ren go?
1. Prologue

Hello? Anyone here? (looking around with a binocular). Well, I'm not sure if anyone visits this fandom anymore. Still I'm starting this. I know it's extremely short but it's just the prologue. Just to see if I can get someone curious about my version of Hao's and Ren's past, present and future ^^

Oh, I'm also very rusty at the SK universe so please point any stupid mistake. I'll try to keep the original names. Sorry American fans but I just can't call Hao Zeke ¬¬

Disclaimer: Are Ren and Hao officially a couple? No? Then Shaman King is not mine.

Warnings: If you read the disclaimer you already noticed this story is RenxHao. Other than that nothing to worry about.

* * *

Fate

_prologue_

* * *

"What's your name?"

...

"Come on. Don't be shy."

"Why you need my name?"

"Because I want us to be friends."

…

"Please?"

"…Tao Ren."

"Nice to meet you, Ren. I'm Asakura Hao."


	2. Chapter 1

Hey guys! I'm back with another chapter!

This chapter goes to **SK-fan7**, my only reviewer.

**SK-fan7** – Yeah, let's hope this fandom isn't completely dead because what I saw here lately is not even worth a comment I'm also sorry I forgot to mention but this story is a semi-AU. Oh, and I said RenxHao but I'm not planning any lemons/limes so you can ignore that. I may consider writing a lemon as an extra-chapter but only if the readers ask for it and I'll let them vote who would be bottom. ^^

Warnings (thanks to **SK-fan7**): This is a semi-AU. The universe is the same, I just took Ren's and Hao's past and changed it. This story will keep going back and forth, from Hao's previous lives (all with Ren by his side) to the present where Ren sided with Yoh. The main events will probably occur as showed on the anime.

Also since I don't know exacly when Hao liver or reincarnated I'll refere to the past as just the name of the place while the present will have 'name of the place' + 'present day'.

Now, off with the story!

* * *

Fate

_chapter 1_

* * *

_I still remember..._

It was during my very first life. A time of innocence when I was nothing but a child, blissful unaware of the cruelty and overall darkness hidden in the world. There was a celebration back them. A tradition long forgotten now, where the main shaman families would gather and pay their respect to the Great Spirit.

It was there I met him.

The temple was overflowing with life, the sacred place barely managing to contain the voices and hurried steps. I was walking with my parents and some other chosen to represent the Asakura family, trying not to look as bewilder as I really felt. I had just turned eight and that was the first time I was allowed to see the celebration.

We had just reached the end of the hall when another group approached.

"Tao." – my father's deep voice not only brought me back from my awe, it also made me tense. The new group was a strange one. They all looked mean with a somewhat sinister aura surrounding them. The man talking with my father was the worse tough, his eyes shining with contempt and cruelty.

"Asakura." – the man masked his annoyance with pride, staring at us like we were nothing but bugs waiting to be crushed. His eyes suddenly fell on me and I shivered, taking a step closer to my mother.

The man snorted, clearly satisfied with my fear. I blushed and looked down, cursing my stupid feet.

"I see you have an heir. Let's see how he does in the Shaman Fight." – not waiting for my father's reply the man walked away, followed close by the rest of the Tao.

However as he left another figured was revealed. A boy around my age, with dark blue hair falling gracefully over his shoulders and a soft yet tense face. He was staring straight ahead, chest puffed to look bigger, clearly trying to imitate the others of his family. He was also wearing black from head to toe although to be honest it only made him look smaller.

As the boy passed me by his eyes wavered, moving to give me a shy glance. And I couldn't help but smile at the innocent curiosity glowing in those golden eyes.

Such a cute boy.

Unfortunately our little moment was cut short as a hand pushed me away.

"The Tao are assassins! Don't mix with them!" – my mother whispered in a harsh tone. One I had learned long ago not to disobey.

Still, as my family and I resumed our walking to the other end of the hall I couldn't help but look back, wondering if I would ever see that boy again.

* * *

Tokyo. Present day.

He's fighting again, his movements elegant and lethal. However his opponent is not ordinary like the others, no. This time he's fighting my other half, my twin Yoh.

But something is wrong. I know his style, his movements and strategies. He's faster than this, stronger and far more deadly. Crudely putting he's better than my pitiful otouto.

So why he's not winning? He could have finished Yoh a dozen times already. That's the real reason I'm here: to save my brother so he can get stronger and worth absorbing latter on.

It never occurred to me the infamous Tao Ren would hold back.

Why?

Does he really want to lose? No, he's too prideful for that. If it was to drop the towel he wouldn't even bother to start a fight, let alone drag it until now.

Yoh makes a small comeback. I let out a tired sigh.

What is Ren thinking? Has he forgotten how dangerous it is to play with an Asakura, even a wimpy one?

Tsc. Silly question. Course he doesn't remember. Thanks to those bastards he doesn't remember anything. Not him. Not me.

Not us.

As I prepare to drown in my misery a thought slap me in the face. Eyes wide I pay new attention to the fight and the movements but mostly his eyes. It can't be…

Yet as I go further in those untamable golden orbs I'm sure this is exactly what he's doing. Ren is testing Yoh. Checking if my otouto would be a worthy companion, one trustful enough to fight alongside with.

Ren never intended to defeat Yoh, much less kill him.

But why? Is he really considering…?

Ice explodes in my chest. Suddenly it's hard to breathe. Decades masking my emotions are probably the only thing keeping me from gasping in pain.

By the time I recover the fight already ended. A tie it's announced but it's a lie. I'm the pathetic loser, left to mourn a victory that was never on my reach.

Because Yoh is walking away with Ren. My Ren.

And I just know, deep in my soul, he won't aid me this time.

But I can't just go and break them apart. Ren had made his decision, I would only be hurting him if I forced his hand. Worse, I would be throwing him into something he knows nothing about, something he wouldn't even be able to believe, let long deal with. Not to mention I can't reveal myself. Not yet. There are still some things I need to deal with discretion.

I let out a curse and turn around, leaving the battlefield. Spirit of Fire is quickly to materialize, his cute form finding a comfortable spot on my shoulders. He doesn't say anything but he's worried, I know he is, but it doesn't matter. I had work to do now.

Is it wrong to put my dream over Ren? I have never done it before.

The device in my arm rings, bringing me back to reality. There it was, my first fight.

Time for a little kill.

* * *

Pach Village

The once peaceful Pach village was now a perfect portrait of hell. The few houses were smacked or burned to the ground, not even one escaping from being reduced to rubble. The once dry road was now thick, soaked with blood and covered with bodies. In the air echoed no birds, no whispers of the wind but screams of hate and cries of pain, sometimes taking the form of a name, being it beloved or cursed.

Hao took shelter behind a wall, the only one still standing in all that mess. It used to be part of a restaurant of sorts. He and Ren had lunch there just the day before and for a moment the Asakura got caught up in the memories.

At least until someone crunched next to him.

Surprised (and mentally kicking himself for being so careless) Hao turned, ready to rip whoever it was to pieces. Only he found not the brown eyes so common in his family but a pair of golden ones.

"Did I scare you?" – Ren chuckled, his long dark blue hair seeming unfazed by all the fighting despite the blood and dirt covering the boy's body. Briefly Hao wondered how an assassin managed such long hair even if fights (or massacres like this one was turning out to be). His own short strains were already a pain to deal with!

"You're tired." – Ren's words brought him back to the nasty reality and Hao noticed the golden eyes staring at his Over Soul with worry.

"So are you." – the Asakura replied, eyeing the Chinese sword and the unsteady energy surrounding it with distaste. It was a shame to see such a powerful shaman reduced to this and the fact his own family was responsible only made things worse.

"Their defense is thick but the ones in the left seem to be the weakest." – Ren ignored the comment, mind going back to the battle – "I'll open a path. When you get the chance don't wait for me, go straight for the Great Spirit. "

Hao nodded, his eyes sharp and glowing with determination. The spirit was their goal, the reason why both of them were risking so much. If Hao couldn't get to it all their fight would be for nothing.

However, as Ren moved, wanting to take a peek at the battle and eventually re-join, the Asakura couldn't help but grab his hand.

Golden eyes found brown ones and for a moment everything seemed to halt.

"Hao?" – Ren called, voice barely audible with all the chaos. He was clearly caught off guard by the sudden approach.

"I…" – Hao hesitated, unsure of what to do. Should he tell now? But what if it got Ren distracted? What if himself got distracted?

What if Ren rejected him?

"I…Ren, I…" – the Asakura tried but it was no use. His throat was dry, slashed by an invisible blade and only allowing small words and gasps to come out. Nothing else could be said.

"Tell me after the fight, Wǒ de Xing." – Ren whispered, squeezing their hands together before throwing himself back to the battle, his movements even more determined and lethal than before.

In that moment, surrounded by chaos and blood and death, Hao smiled. His confidence and strength restored, he followed Ren, fighting for his dream with all his soul. Now more than ever he wanted to finish this. That and ask Ren what those words meant.

But Ren fell soon after, body too broken to ever allow him back to his feet again. Albeit he kept his word and opened the path between the Asakura's tight lines Hao could not take it, falling on his knees beside the Chinese.

Needless to say it was all the chance his enemies needed.

* * *

_Nee Ren, my father is wrong. He says I don't have limits but I do._

_It's you._


	3. Chapter 2

Hey, I'm still here. Waiting for some signal of life in this fandom. ¬¬

Super-especial-thanks to:

**SK-fan7** – I love stories about the past, especially from my favorite characters. If there's none I make my own ^^ Yes, on his first life Ren had long hair and Hao had short hair. This will change along the chapters, as you'll see now (there are a lot of hair-issues in this story). And I'm already counting with your vote for the lemon! Oh, and thank you so much for your compliments. I hope you like this chapter as well.

* * *

Fate

_chapter 02_

* * *

Somewhere in the desert. Present day.

Damn it, Yoh! How dare you take him as your pawn!?

To say I'm mad would be a huge understatement. I'm boiling with rage, my very soul consuming the air like a flame even if the others would blame it to Spirit of Fire. However years had molded my mask into my face to the point I don't know what my real reaction is. I just know nothing is revealed on the surface that not my innocent smile that never fails to make my enemies sink in fear.

Except him, of course.

Then again, Ren was never an enemy. Not even now when he remained by Yoh's side. No, Ren is just…confuse. Yeah, that's it. The Chinese shaman had a particularly hard life this time (_Again! Couldn't Fate give him a break?_) and even I had to admit my pitiful otouto could be quite charming.

Still, how it hurts to see you there Ren, eyeing me with distrust, ready to fight for your so called 'friend'.

But I have a plan. Even if I would have to alter it a little, that didn't mean I can just throw it all away. I'm sorry Ren but you'll have to wait. Again.

Yet as I parted, soaring in the sky with Spirit of Fire, I can't help but remember the second time we met.

* * *

India.

_Kill! Kill them all!_

_They deserve if after what they did!_

Hao knew it would come to this. That one day his powers and anger would grow so much he would lose control, turning him into just another blood thirsty, stupid killer. To be honest he put up a hell of a fight.

But as he stared at the small, terrified girl Hao never thought he wouldn't care.

"P-please…" – the girl's voice was shaky, tears soaking her tiny face. Knees giving in she fell, lying abandoned in the dirty alley, a small pool of liquid forming between her legs.

_Did they spare Ren? No!_

_So kill them!_

The Over Soul was formed without as much as a thought. Hao rushed in, aiming for the kill…

Only to have his attack blocked by a large, curved blade.

Surprised, Hao jumped back to have a better look on the stranger that dared to interfere. What he saw however almost send him to his knees.

The man was around his age, his tanned skin marked by the sun and some old scars. His torso was bare, revealing a thin yet strong physique, legs covered by a pair of sand colored pants that surely have seen better days. His face was sharp and tense yet with somehow smooth lines, giving him a very small feminine touch. His hair was tied back, the length unknown and Hao caught himself itching to come closer and demand the stranger to turn.

Yet, even with all those details making his heart race, what really took Hao's breath away were the eyes. Despite one being closed, a long and jagged scar running right over it, the other was staring straight forward in defiance.

A golden eye.

Could it be?

"I won't let you kill her." – the stranger seemed to get tired of the silence, making his announcement with a voice deep in cold rage.

A voice Hao had heard so many times. Has protected so many times.

"It's fine. I don't want to kill her anymore." – to reinforce his point Hao released his over soul.

"Why not?" – the stranger sounded even more suspicious than before, his golden eye quickly dashing to the alley's entrance and back, probably measuring the distance, wondering if there would be enough time to take him and the kid out of this mess.

Hao paid him no mind.

"What's your name?"

"Aasha." – the stranger answered, no doubt forced by some rule of courtesy.

"Not your family name. Your name."

Once again the stranger was taken off guard. And the Asakura could see thousands of questions swimming behind that golden eye. Finally he spoke.

"Ren."

Like the first ray of sunshine after a very long winter Hao smiled, his body relaxing for the first time since starting this damn second life. He didn't need to kill aimlessly now. He could focus in make a plan, keep his sanity.

Most of all he could focus in not making the same mistakes again.

"I'm Hao."

* * *

Somewhere in the desert. Present day.

"Join me."

"No."

I try to cover my frustration to the best of my abilities yet something tells me it didn't work that well. Deep down I know you're only being your normal loyal self (and a part of me is happy some things never change) but damn it, Ren!

I'm slipping. Letting bits of my inner demon show. You are close and that's probably the only thing keeping me sane but being on the same village is not enough! You have to be here! By my side!

Without you I'm just a killer. Just another psychopath waiting for someone to be merciful and put me out of my misery. But I can't let go, not yet. I have a dream, better, I have a plan. And once I finally complete it none of us will suffer anymore. No more reincarnations, no more forgotten memories. Just us and the perfect world I'll create.

But I need you.

"I can give you power beyond your wildest dreams."

_Please, Ren. _

"I don't want power." – Ren's face is the definition of annoyed and his eyes are sharp. He's not lying.

But I came too far not to push a little bit.

"Is that so?" – I come closer, touching his face with the tips of my fingers, running them oh so slightly over his warm skin. Briefly I curse the sun form making it harsh and dry.

"Are you deaf?" – he growls but doesn't step back or flinch. We both know he's too prideful to retreat like that.

Yet how I wish for him to enjoy my touch. To shiver in delight like he used to. Is that too much to ask? For him to remember that small bit?

"Humans are worthless creatures. They don't deserve our protection, much less our lives." – I say again, hoping against hope Ren will give in and aid me.

But seconds pass and he doesn't move a muscle, mind set in stone on his goal and loved ones.

I don't belong in either of those groups.

Forcing myself to acknowledge the warmth at the tip of my fingers as the only consolation I'll get I decide to retreat and mourn alone. But not before vowing once again to make him mine. Even if I'll have to chain him by my side and earn his hate, I won't be alone again.

Most of all, I won't lose him again.

* * *

Patch village. 

"How do you do it?"

"Hn?" – a golden eye opened, trying to focus back in the world as he left the deep feeling of relaxation behind.

"Your hair?" – Hao pointed out. He had been brushing the black strains for a while now and was still amazed by how soft they were – "We trained the whole day, how come my hair is a mess and yours isn't? "

Ren chuckled.

"My hair was braided the whole time." – he points out, still amused by the childish complaint. To say people feared this guy.

"But…"

"Besides yours always going up and down with your power. Being so short and thin is no wonder it ends up a mess." – taking a short brown lock, Ren pulled teaseling – "You need more weight."

"I don't like long hair." – Hao scoffed before finishing his last brush, promptly turning his back to Ren – "People will call me a demon girl."

Once again Ren chucked at such antiques.

"That's a shame. It would suit you very well." – taking the brush he started the long process of combing his lover's mess of hair – "But if it makes you happy I'll use it short next time."

Hao nodded, wondering how it would turn out even if he secretly loved Ren's hair.

Unfortunately there would be no such time. The very next day they went to steal the Spirit of Fire. They succeeded, Hao bounding with the powerful spirit like they were meant to be from the beginning. But as they were to leave the Asakura saw his enemies aiming for Ren's back.

_No!_

In his hurry, Hao forgot everything. His powers, his guardian spirits, even his just acquired ancient spirit. He could have done so much more but fear made his body move on its own, protecting the one he cared the most.

But without the soul to give it power the body is weak. Oh so weak.

The attack cut through them both, slicing their bodies from side to side with no mercy. Hao only had time to glance at Ren before all went black and he knew no more.

No, correction. Hao knew one thing.

He had failed again.

* * *

"_It hurts."_

"_It does but it doesn't matter."_

"_Why not?"_

"_Because we are not demons, Hao."_

"_Sometimes I'm not so sure."_

"_You should. Demons can't love like us."_


	4. Chapter 3

I've been waiting for you, **SK-fan7**, since you are the only one that coment this story. Hope you like this chapter as well and don't worry, things will work out. Eventually. u.u

* * *

Fate

_chapter 3_

* * *

Patch Village. Present day.

He's getting stronger again. True, it's not even closer to the strength he used to have but it's far better than all the others.

So why do you hold back? Why you don't show them your true power? Are you afraid they will kick you out of the team? Fear you? Hate you?

Are you afraid they will treat you like me?

Tsc. Those are your friends. They are supposed to stay by your side, no matter what.

Then again you could always join me and stop worrying about unimportant things.

Yeah, right. Come on, Hao. You know better.

Yet isn't that the reason we're all here, fighting each other with all we have? Dreams? Something held dear by our heart that we hope can come true?

A world of shamans. That's my dream.

Ren's dream came close: a world without evil.

Maybe we could understand each other? Try to work things out?

Tsc. Again wishful thinking. There's something keeping our dreams worlds apart and it's not the humans, no. It's the fact that, when I visualize my dream I picture you by my side.

But you don't do that with me. I'm not in your dreams. I'm not by your side.

It makes me wonder why fate is so cruel.

But most of all I wonder if you would've lived happy forever sometime long ago, far away back on the beginning, if I hadn't dragged you into all of this.

* * *

England.

Hao growled, staring at his reflex on the window glass. He shouldn't be here, wearing this stupid suit, watching the stupid rain. Hell, no! He should be traveling the four corners of the world, looking for strong shamans to aide him, all the while planning the best way to get rid of mankind without damaging the Earth even more.

Yet here he was, Asakura Hao, one of the strongest shamans to ever been born and definitely the most feared, playing perfect son for a couple of annoying humans.

"Tsc. If I knew bounding with you would let us both powerless for so long I would have planned things way better." – he mumbled to the small spirit balanced on his shoulders. The ancient spirit giggled, making his master even more annoyed.

But before Hao could reply a woman approached.

"What are you doing, Zeke dear? The entertainment is about to start."

Silently cursing that overly sweet voice Hao turned, facing his 'mother' with a polite smile. They doesn't look remotely alike considering she has golden hair and sparking green eyes while Hao once again kept his brown eyes and hair. Briefly the shaman wondered why everyone seemed okay with that.

"And tie up your hair, sweetie." – the woman pointed out, looking at the strains that already reached his son's shoulders – "It's improper for a young man to keep it lose like this."

Hao sighed and did as told by both tying his hair in a low ponytail and returning to the ballroom, waiting for the so called entertainment with a bored expression. He was expecting some exotic dancer or opera singer, even some magic tricks, when two persons walked in. They were dressed in white from head to toe, faces covered by a strange looking helmet. On their hands was a weapon Hao had never seen before. It seems like a cross between a sword and a really thin stick.

_Tsc. Humans._ – Hao scoffed, figuring the duo was just some dancers. Especially when he noticed one of them was in fact a woman.

He was so wrong…

With a flourish the duo began to fight, the clash of metal filling the silent ballroom. Hao was left there with his mouth hanging open, easily recognizing the seriousness of those movements. It wasn't a play or an act, it was a real fight! The white suits were probably the only thing keeping blood from being spilled.

The fight went on, Hao marveled by this new technique. Whispers started here and there but Hao paid them no mind. So what if the woman was winning? He had better things to focus on!

A loud snap was heard, followed by surprised gasps of the crowd. The Asakura watched with amusement as the sword went flying across the room to land gracefully on the floor, the tip digging into the wooden surface. The two fighters were still in the middle of the room, the male on the floor with the female towering over him, her sword at his throat.

Hao was the first to applaud. He couldn't help it. After nearly two decades living as human he was grateful for watching a fight. The other humans followed his lead, hiding their distaste with fake politeness.

But even if the Asakura was probably the only truly pleased that didn't keep some nobles from approaching the female, demanding her to take of her helmet.

And when she did…

Hao's heart faltered. Deep down he knew he should be used to it already (it happened before damn it!) but as that face was revealed brown eyes found pale skin with short golden hair styled in a male haircut and a prideful, almost devious smirk.

And even if those eyes were light brown instead of golden they were still sharp, shinning with a ferocity that made Hao gasp in both pain and bliss. Not a minute later he was by her side, gracefully escorting her out of the party, keeping the sharks at bay with forced politeness.

No one would break his lover.

"Hey, are you listening?"

Blinking, Hao stared at those light brown eyes, only to feel himself getting lost again. So beautiful, so much strength in them…

"Tsc. Never mind." – turning to gather her things, she wavered her hand – "You can go now."

"What's your name?" – Hao couldn't help but smirk as the simple question caught the woman unguarded. Some things never change.

"Liz."

Hao frowned. Such a common, human name. He was disappointed.

"I'm Hao."

"Right. Like that's even a name, Zeke." – she rolled her eyes before going back to her things. Hao tried not to cringe. It wasn't due the lack of recognition on that voice though. The shaman could deal with that just fine.

What Hao wasn't sure he could deal with was the fact Spirit of Fire had been all over her face and she didn't saw him.

_It can't be. _

But it was. His love, his Ren…was human.

Sad beyond words, Hao turned, mentally calling Spirit of Fire as he walked back to the door. He could feel his world crashing and burning, the remains falling over his head like ashes. He couldn't have a human by his side. Never!

"Goodbye…Ren."

"What!? How do you know that name?" – Liz turned, her body language lost between shocked and defensive – "Only my friends call me Ren!"

Hao knew he should have walked away. That a human could never fight on his side or even fight at all but maybe that was the answer? He had failed twice already. Maybe keep Ren out of the fight was the only way to keep her alive?

Holding all the hope Hao could gather he finally answered:

"I know you from another life."

Ren snorted and crossed her arms. Yet something on her eyes seemed to change.

"Oh, really? And what else you know, Zeke?"

"It's Hao, Ren. Please?"

"Hn."

* * *

Patch Village. Present Day.

They are walking down the street now. The cat boy and the ice boy are laughing, doing their jobs as buffoons, distracting everybody from the big picture. Behind them Ren trails, mind far, far away. And even if I don't know exactly what he is thinking I know why.

My fight had just ended. I killed three shamans today. Their deaths are heavy on my shoulders just like all the others but it can't be helped. I can't stop myself anymore. It's practically a miracle I have enough willpower to stick to their stupid rules and not go killing aimlessly like some human psychopath.

Because Ren is here…but he is not.

Still I can't help but wonder what he thinks about all this killing. He was raised as an assassin after all. Does he consider this just collateral damage? Something unnecessary but inevitable all the same?

Does he even care?

Tsc. Stupid question. Of course he cares. Ren wouldn't light incense for every shaman I kill if he didn't. It makes me a little jealous. Why the dead deserve more attention than I do?

Shaking my head I force my mind to think of something else. If I keep thinking of death I'll start killing again.

But that doesn't mean I had to stop thinking about Ren.

* * *

England.

It feels right yet wrong somehow. And Hao is not even considering the fact Ren is a woman this time.

But she is human. There's not a drop of shamanic energy in her. And the powerful Asakura can't help but look deep into her eyes, searching for the old Ren in that not-golden infinity. However, even if he found him what difference could it make? Ren would be still stuck in a body far too fragile for his skills and needs.

That's why Hao kept some distance this time. He didn't make her fall in love with him and he tried to convince himself he wasn't in love with her either (so far he failed miserably on the second part). Most of all Hao was determined to just be an acquaintance this time. Just a stranger with crazy stories about past lives with a tendency to pop out of nowhere, talking about everything that did not involve epic battles or huge spirits granting wishes.

Ren was left completely in the dark.

But it made no difference. They still found her.

They still used her.

Hao couldn't understand that. Wasn't he the monstrous villain? The evil they all wanted to eradicate? Weren't they supposed to be the good guys? Then why were they using a human as a shield?

Don't they claim we are all human? Why sacrifice one of their own?

Hao stood there, outraged and angry beyond words. He ever did that! Ever! The so called evil reincarnated never used anyone, human or shaman, as a shield! Hao wouldn't deserve to be Shaman King if he did! His own heart would never allow it!

Yet here he was, staring at glassy brown eyes filled with pain and fear. And it may be just the oversoul close to their faces but Hao could swear he saw some remains of tears as well. Ren was being held by two shamans, a third keeping some type of chain around her, the others watching me like hawks. She had cuts and bruises everywhere, drops of blood staining her once perfect white clothes, the armor too thin to offer any protection. She also failed to stand straight, her weight fully on her right leg, a clear indicator there was something wrong with the left one.

Hao smiled. He couldn't help it. Trust Ren to put a hell of a fight.

But it wasn't fair this time and Hao couldn't imagine how desperate she felt while trying to fight something she couldn't even see, let along comprehend. To make such spirit feel so helpless…

"I curse you, Asakura." – Hao spoke in a low, deadly voice, satisfied when his opponents shivered – "I curse you all."

_Including myself._

Because on that moment, rage finally suppressed anything else. White eyes seeing only red, Hao attacked like the wild beast he was without Ren by his side. Spirit of Fire exploded, flames raining upon them, burning everything on their way. With a cry even a monster would fear, Hao consumed them all.

Including himself.

Including Ren.

But as he cradled the broken body into his arms she didn't refuse him. Even with all the pain they were feeling and the screams of their enemies echoing endlessly. Even when said enemies finally died, leaving nothing behind but the smell of burned flesh, Ren didn't scream or cry.

She just remained there, on her rightful place, staring into Hao's eyes with the saddest, most broken expression the shaman had ever seen. Moving her lips, not a sound came out. But it was fine. Hao could always understand her.

_Forgive me._

She closed her eyes and was gone. Once again, Ren was living.

And Hao couldn't help but think maybe it was time to let go.

"No Ren. You forgive me." – he whispered against her burned lips, ignoring the taste and the way they seemed to fade into ashes at the slightest touch.

Then Hao closed his eyes and let himself burn.

* * *

_I know I sound crazy but every time I feel lost I look at the stars. Somehow it never fails to sooth me._

_Do you feel the same, Hao?_


	5. Chapter 4

**SK-fan7** – Sorry for the waiting. I'm so glad you're still reading this. This one is the last chapter (sad, I know) but I'm thankful. There are some things that will need my attention (plus I'm stuck with a major block) so sorry. I prefer cut the story now than try to drag it with an update per year (if much). I loved to have your support at every chapter and hopefully you'll like this chapter too.

* * *

Fate

_ chapter 04_

* * *

China. Eight years ago. 

Hao couldn't believe his eyes.

Here he was, traveling around China with Spirit of Fire, this time with almost all of their power intact. Being only four Hao was looking for a safe place to stay. He knew little about this new world (why the world had to change so much anyway?) but enough to understand no one would aid a kid with stupidly long hair. Therefore he settle to find a place, some forgotten, sacred ground he could meditate in peace, preferably as far from the Asakura as possible.

That's when Hao heard about the decadent Tao family. A wave of nostalgia hitting close to home, the young shaman couldn't stop himself from sneaking into the assassins' grounds, heart threatening to stop for good at any moment.

And what he saw…what he saw took the word heartache to a whole new level.

Because in the garden, training by the watchful and hard eyes of the adults was a boy no older than four. A boy with dark blue hair falling over his shoulders and shinning golden eyes that far surpassed the sun.

Hao felt on his knees, heart dead on his chest. So alike…this Ren was just like the first one. Could it be a good omen? A sign things would be okay this time?

_Can we stay together? Please?_

However, no matter how strong was his stupor, Hao couldn't help but notice one thing: there was no sword.

But why? Ren always used a sword. From the strange, stick-like sword from the last time down to the magnificent, silver sword from the very first, Ren would always choose the sword as a weapon. What was a spear doing in those small hands?

"Ren?"

Hao opened his eyes (funny thing, he didn't remember closing them), noticing the boy had stopped his training and was now staring somewhere in the garden. Hao new the child couldn't pinpoint his exact location, none of them could, but the fact Ren knew he was here was something the old shaman refused to analyze.

No need to nourish hope only to see it shatter in the long run.

"Ren." – the voice called again. Apparently it was the mother of the young child – "Tie your hair. My son will not get killed by such stupid mistake."

"Tsc. Hair is useless. I don't know why you keep it." – a bald man spoke in a disappointed voice – "Hurry up. You have a lot of training to do, young man."

The child didn't spoke a thing, even if his grip in the lance got ten times stronger. And Hao wanted to reach out so badly…To hold that dejected child and tell him his hair was beautiful and how much he had missed it.

But Hao couldn't. He wasn't stable as he once was. If the rest of the family challenged him (quite a possibility considering the Asakura was trespassing) Hao would attack and kill them all. And even if for some miracle he managed to spare Ren's life, what then? He would be nothing but a killer at the child's innocent eyes.

Shaking his head, Hao vowed not to. He would not earn Ren's hate. Their love had brought them enough pain as it was.

Still, could Ren forgive him one more time?

* * *

Patch Village. Present day.

"I won't hurt him again."

I raise my head, interrupting my constant observation of fire to stare at the one that was fire itself. Spirit of Fire was in his chibi form and although some may consider this less frightening I know better.

"We can't stop him from fighting." – it's my calm reply. But I'm sad and I know my companion can feel it too.

Never before had we fought against Ren. Ever. To hurt Ren…it happened before but not on purpose. As much as it sounds as an excuse (and it is) others make me do it. Because I was always hated, no matter where I went, the incarnation, or the spirit aiding me. Hate was always following me around, making my beloved collateral damage every time.

Would he die this time too? Now we would fight against each other, would his life be spared? Was that his redemption?

Could I control myself enough not to kill him a second time?

"I won't hurt him." – Spirit of Fire repeats and I know I have no place to run. Few things are messier that a shaman and a spirit out of sync and we can't risk it. Not now.

"It's not that easy." – is my oh so labored answer. Still, it's true, isn't it? There's no way I can keep Ren out of the fight. And with so few teams left there's no way we won't face each other.

But I couldn't let that happen. I couldn't choose between Ren and my dream. I had a feeling it would be an easy choice.

Unless…

"I'll quit the fight." – eyes wide, I didn't realized I whispered until I felt Spirit of Fire sitting on my shoulder. Mind running fast, I put the pieces of my new plan together – "I'll quit the fight and go straight for the Great Spirit."

"He will follow you. Yoh too. "

"Let Yoh come. I want to absorb him anyway." – I shake my head, eyes never leaving the fire burning in front of me. My pitiful otouto wouldn't make much of a difference now but he could still give me some stability – "The others can take care of Ren. None of them is strong enough to hurt him badly and it will give us some time."

"You sure?"

Something seemed to stir at the question. Something I have been trying to suppress for years but always came back: fear.

I didn't want to be Ren't death again. It wasn't just me killing him, I just couldn't take it anymore. Deep in my soul I knew that was my last chance.

But that was just the more reason not to let Ren interfere, right?

"We'll do it. That's the new plan."

If Spirit of Fire was disappointed he hid well. Yet, even if he was, that would not stop him from aiding me. Very few things would.

We were both tired after all.

* * *

China. Eight years ago. 

Ren is crying again, all alone in that big house filled with dead bodies. It was his first kill and he had been crying ever since. And even if Hao's soul is dripping red by now the old shaman can't help but feel responsible somehow.

If he had succeeded all those years ago…

But he didn't and now here he was, feeling his heart shatter all over again. Ren was so noble, even at such tender age. He had to be beaten four times until he finally gave up and killed his target and even so it was a quick, merciful death.

Needless to say his father wasn't pleased.

So here the child was, hurt again by the ones that should love him above all things, locked in a dark room with no one, not even his kind guardian spirit to make him company.

Hao knew he should walk away. He knew he would end up killing them all if he continued to watch this torture. But the Asakura was a helpless masochist. Always had been. What other reason would he fall in love?

Still, as Ren finally falls asleep, tear strains still fresh on his pale cheeks, Hao can't help but go to him, holding his shivering body until it's warm again. Caressing the hair he loves so much, Hao whispers sweet nothings, keeping the nightmares at bay. He even stole a chaste kiss.

Because that was Hao's good bye. He stood in China long enough. He needed to go before he was found and young Ren was dragged into this mess again.

"It will work this time, Ren. You'll see. You didn't lose your innocence for nothing. "

And with those parting words Hao left, not knowing how many ears it would be until they finally met again.

* * *

Patch Village. Present day.

Why?

Yoh is on the ground, recovering from some mild blows. As much as he pretends it's nothing it's clear for both of us how futile is his resistance. Behind me the Great Spirit waits, ready to give me the power I always wanted, to make my dreams come true.

So why? Why can't I finish this? What pain is that, that paralyzes me, freezing my fire, extinguishing it like a pitiful candle? What happened for me to feel like that?

And why, oh why, with my dreams so close I want nothing but fall on my knees and cry, begging the heavens to finish me off?

_Don't._ – Spirit of Fire whispers in my mind, raising his heat to evaporate the tears threatening to fall from my eyes – _You always give up when he dies. This time, don't. Fight for him instead._

I'm not sure how I answered. If my reply was mental, verbal or just a nod is beyond me. All I knew was Spirit of Fire was still with me and my dear otouto was up again.

I smile, holding my last strands of sanity for dear life but wanting nothing more but let go. I would fight. I would end this once and for all. Then I would consume my own spirit and never be reborn again.

That was the new plan.

* * *

I lost.

Had everything to win, no holding back at all, but I lost.

I want to believe it was him. That Ren's miracle resurrection threw me off but deep down I know it's not it. I'm just…tired, I guess. Tired of this story, to play the villain and always lose in the end. Most of all I was – am – tired to hurt us. Because no matter how much I try, that's how it always ends, isn't it?

But no anymore, no. I'm setting you free, Ren. Go and be happy with someone else. Someone that's not messes up beyond repair or hope.

Someone that won't hurt you. Or kill you.

Someone worth your love.

As Yoh's attack nears, that's all I can think of. Looking at your untamable golden eyes, I make my last wish. For you, my beloved, my Ren, to be happy.

That's all that matters. All that ever had.

Then I closed my eyes and let myself go, for good this time. It was over. I would not come back. It's the end. The true one.

But as I prepare myself to embrace the dark oblivion I could swear I heard him calling for me.

* * *

Warm. Dark. Quiet.

Those are the three things Hao know now. But he's happy. Oh so happy. It feels so go to finally let go, drifting in the dark to never wake again.

"How much longer do you pretend t sleep?"

Hao frowns, eyes shut tight. Who was this?

"Don't you think you rested enough already?"

_No, I didn't. So shut up and let me sleep._ – Hao turned, much like a child would, shoving his head under a imaginary pillow. He had just started to sleep so that voice better bag it.

"Tsc. Fine. Guess I'll keep playing with the mess you call hair. "

Hao froze, heart stopping dead on his chest just to spring into life in a mad beat. Cause there was only one person to ever tease him about his hair. But it couldn't be, could it? For him to be here, it has to mean…

"You better hurry. We don't have that much time, you know?"

Hao's heart doubled the pace, the sound loud on his ears. For a moment he was dizzy and-

_Wait! My heart is beating!?_

Brown eyes snapped open, falling straight into a golden sea. The shock was so big Hao jumped, stumbling a couple feet away. Briefly he realized he must be lying on the grass, head on Ren's lap but it didn't matter! That couldn't be Ren!

But the look in those eyes…the ancient emotions shadowing them…

"What? Afraid of me?" – getting up as well, Ren patted the dust from his baggy pants, ignoring the fact his whole body was covered in dirt, sweat and even some blood.

Hao was taken aback. Just how long had the Chinese spend here, kneeling on the grass, wounds untreated? For how long did he take care of a fallen enemy? Because that's what they are now, wasn't it? Enemies?

But before Hao could morph his confusion in hateful words (or even any word at all), Ren approached.

"Did you really think Yoh could kill you?" – he asks, reaching out for Hao's face. The action is so tender, so nostalgic, Hao almost gives in.

Almost.

"Stop playing with me, Tao!" – the Asakura spat the words with all the poison he could muster, slapping the hand away.

Ren recoils, hurt flashing on his eyes for a slip second, no more.

"You know… "– the Chinese began, shoving his hands on his pockets and looking away – "…you never asked me why."

Hao frowns, unsure of what to make of the question. Part of him doesn't want to play this game but what did he have to lose?

"Why what?"

"Why I never joined you."

The Asakura is left speechless for a moment, trying to digest the information as well as to stop his mind from giving the sentence second (possibly third) meanings.

"Why?"

"Because you would die if I did." – looking back at the brown eyes, Ren smiled a small, sad smile – "You always die when I join you."

Once again Hao's heart stopped. What was Ren truly saying?

"That's why I was human last time." – Ren keep on going, afraid he would fail if he didn't. After so long keeping this secret, freedom was a blessing as well as a curse – "I thought if I stayed out of the fight you wouldn't worry, wouldn't die because of me."

"You knew?" – if Hao was shocked before, his rage was quick to ignite now – "All those times, you knew?"

"Not completely." – small smile vanishing, Ren closed his eyes tight. And for the Asakura it looked like he was trying to reach something that wasn't really there – "I have…pieces, feelings. I think I remembered before, in my other lives but this time I was born with nothing."

The rage dissipated like smoke, leaving Hao to feel small and useless. Every time he was careful, protecting his memories above all things but Ren didn't have this power. To be left unguarded for so many incarnations…It was a miracle the Tao still remembers anything at all!

"But how…?"

Golden eyes opened.

"Yoh."

Hao held back a bitter smile. Yoh. Of course. His otouto had stick with Ren since the beginning. And since they are essentially the same…

"He was so similar. His spirit, so warm. It brought back memories. Not all of them but enough to make me realize what I had to do."

A long, uncomfortable silence. Hao looked away, mind heavy with so much information, guilt and…hope. Hope things would work this time. That it would be alright.

"And, of course, there was the kiss."

"What!?" – Hao all but squeaked, his head snapping back so hard it was a miracle it didn't fell off – "What kiss?"

Ren chuckled, a barely noticed shade of pink on his cheeks.

"You can't really blame him, you know? He was confused and so was I."

"You were?" – Hao raised an eyebrow. Crossing his arms he clearly waited for an explanation.

"I felt attracted to him." – the Chinese shrugged, pretending it was nothing despite the tension gripping his stance. There was nothing into the kiss but HoroHoro had teased him enough for it.

"And now?" – the Asakura kept his façade, despite the thousand feelings inside his chest.

"Now I know it's only you, Wǒ de Xing."

Hao couldn't resist that. Try as he might, it was just too much.

Lips met. First unsure, then calm, relieved. By the end however all the carefulness was throw away, leaving the mouths free to devour, the tongues to taste, the saliva to unite. It was messy and strong, passionate and needed, oh so needed. They. Needed. This. To crash and burn together, reviving a past that should never be forgotten.

Complete, at least.

But it couldn't last forever. Not yet.

Ren broke the kiss, face glowing with a million shades of pink, eyes brighter than the sun. Still there was a shadow, a very sad, very ancient shadow deep in his eyes.

"Will you…continue the fight?" – he asks, hesitance clear on his voice.

"No." – feeling how vulnerable his beloved is, Hao hugs him tight. The Asakura can't believe how relieved he is to say that small word – "Let the shaman fight for themselves. I'm tired."

"Selfish." – Ren teases but it's clear how relieved he is.

"I sure am." – Hao grins, bringing their bodies even closer – "After all, I did claim you mine."

"Tsc. Since you're mine as well I guess we can go."

Hao blinks. Really, right when he was beginning to understand!

"Go? Where?"

But the Tao just smiles.

"It's about time we have our happy ending."

And Hao can't help but smile as well.

"Lead the way, beloved." – he says while stealing a brief kiss – "I shall follow you this time."

"If you insists, my star."

Soon after they were soaring in the sky, flying away, leaving the fight behind without a second glance. Spirit of Fire (that has been watching the whole thing with an amused glint on his eyes) was glowing in happiness, an almost motherly warmth radiating from his body.

And Hao had to admit he shared the feeling. Every bit of it.

But there was still one thing he had to settle. A sentence forever stuck on his chest. That didn't come out even on his first life but it was time. He had to say it!

"Ren…" – the small name trembles on his lips and Hao cursed himself. Sweat gathered on his palms and suddenly brown eyes were everywhere but Ren's face – "I-I never…No! I me-ean…Ren…I-I always…Shit! I jus-"

A finger stops the rambling. Ren chuckles.

"I know." – the Chinese announces with a soft smile – "Now shut up and kiss me."

And Hao does. Gladly.

_I love you._


End file.
